Pastoral ministry can be a very isolating calling. Many pastors have a misguided sense that the chief requirement for the work they do is to be superhuman or self-sufficient—to never admit to weakness or vulnerability. It's a common stereotype, but unfortunately, far too many pastors do indeed hold to this erroneous standard.
As an inner voice tells these individuals that they must always be strong, never showing their weakness to others, the ability to ask for help slowly fades away. If your pastor fits this description, this article may help you understand the reasons behind this mindset and provide encouragement and action steps to better support your pastor in seeking healthy accountability, help and care.
The Biblical Rationale for Selflessness and the Lure of False Martyrdom
Although Scripture emphatically calls Christians to a life of sacrifice and self-giving, it does not call for pastors to recklessly give of themselves to the point of burnout and to forego genuine human connection or vital self-care. The idea is not that pastors should become martyrs in some twisted spiritual display of self-sacrifice. However, there are those who believe that any display of struggle or vulnerability will undermine the authority of the minister and the respect of the congregation. And so they labor on in isolation.
The biblical paradigm is, in fact, one of service, which includes models of asking for and receiving help. When Jesus taught His followers by washing their feet, He modeled service and then gave them an example to follow. This example included a level of humility that does not disdain the important role that others play in an interdependent community.
It was Jesus’ followers who brought Him physical help when He was worn out. The disciples, "came to him and said, 'This is a remote place, and they are already leaving one by one. Send them away so that they can go into the surrounding countryside and villages to buy themselves something to eat'” (Mark 6:36, CSB). Jesus did not see asking for or receiving help as a sign of weakness, but rather as a part of good stewardship.
The Myth of the "Lone Ranger" Pastor
The problem of pastors not asking for help is often due to the internalization of the “lone ranger” myth. Some individuals believe that the job of a pastor is to be completely self-reliant, able to "do it all" and provide solutions to every problem without any help. The preconceived idea of pastoral ministry as a solitary endeavor is not only unbiblical, but it is also detrimental to the emotional and spiritual well-being of pastors.
In reality, the calling of a pastor is not about going it alone. It's about guiding and leading a community, undergirded by the strong and vital support of a team of individuals with diverse gifts and perspectives. Jesus never set out to be the “Lone Ranger.” He gathered twelve disciples and empowered them, building a team to continue His work after His death and resurrection.
This biblical model provides a powerful antidote to the false narrative that pastors must be alone, without need of, or relation to, any other individuals.
Pride, Fear, and Unhealthy Competition
It's all too common for pastors to hesitate to ask for help due to fear of judgment, failure and sometimes even fear of being "unmanly" (for men in particular) or weak in the eyes of the community.
There is also the factor of self-promotion or an unhealthy sense of competition among pastors. Pastors who desperately crave public approval or a sense of validation may feel that asking for help discredits them in the eyes of their congregations. By choosing to present themselves as immune to problems and criticism, they seek to maintain an image of impeccability and spiritual perfection.
However, being human, pastors—like all of us—are in need of other people, both in good times and in crisis. To be isolated, living a phantom of a superhuman existence, does no one any good.
It's time to call this type of posture what it is: pride. A prideful attitude alienates the pastor from their community and real sources of help. It can cause significant, long-term damage to a pastor, who may become afraid to reach out—even when their well-being is truly at stake.
God Uses Imperfect People
We must never forget the story of Moses, a man with a passion for justice, yet who doubted his ability to lead God's people. Moses explained, "Send someone else" (Exodus 4:13, CSB). Moses believed he lacked the abilities, charisma, and talent to lead the Israelites. He doubted that people would take him seriously or listen to his message.
God answered Moses with this reassurance, "Who gives speech to people?" God was reminding Moses that it was through His power, and not Moses' natural abilities, that He would be working (v. 16).
God doesn't call the equipped; He equips the called. With this in mind, your role in the community is to encourage your spiritual leaders to accept God's strength, which He doesn't withhold from anyone who is committed to carrying out His will.
Recognition, Action, and Accountability
Recognizing all of the above realities, what action steps can you take to care for your pastor or ministry leader and to empower them to seek help when needed?
- Make them feel heard: Create a safe environment where your pastor can share concerns without fear of judgment or criticism. Doing so will help reduce the barriers to communication.
- Create space for self-care: Highlight the importance of taking time for self, family and spiritual renewal.
- Encourage healthy peer-relationships: Foster and support the idea of the minister being part of a larger community of pastors, where they can share insights, best practices and offer one another mutual support.
- Establish an accountability partner or support group: Give your pastor the opportunity to find a Christian friend, mentor, or minister who can come alongside them as an advocate, counsel, and confidant. This provides a safe and trusted environment for the pastor to express their thoughts and receive advice and prayer in return.
When the isolation of the pastoral office is broken, and the pastor is able to shed the burden of the “lone ranger” mentality, they will find their calling to be a source of life-giving joy, connection, and fruitfulness instead of a wellspring of isolation and discouragement.
Dr. Shane Stone is a practicing clinical psychologist and the co-founder of the Australian College of Theology's Centre for Christian Psychology. He works extensively in the mental health arena, sitting on the board of Mental Health Auustralia and various college councils and committees. Shane's passion is to help people see that mental health and personal spirituality can and should be thought of in a genuinely integrated manner. He is the author of Finding Focus, Finding Calm and The Burden of Belief. You can find out more about Dr. Shane Stone here.
This article originally appeared at sharpervision.org
Photo Credit: JESHOOTS-com ©Unsplash,com; Robina Burmingham © Unsplash.com)
You may enjoy these articles too: What To Do When A Pastor Is Hurting, or Does Your Church Value Your Vulnerability? 7 Reasons To Embrace It.
Do you agree that many pastors struggle with asking for help because of the "lone ranger" or self-sufficiency mindset? What tips or other suggestions do you have to promote more healthy self-care, accountability and help-seeking among our church leaders? Please, share your thoughts in the comment box below and on Family Health Zone's Facebook Wall or Twitter Profile.
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The Author: Dr. Shane Stone is a practicing clinical psychologist and the co-founder of the Australian College of Theology's Centre for Christian Psychology. He works extensively in the mental health arena, sitting on the board of Mental Health Australia and various college councils and committees. Shane's passion is to help people see that mental health and personal spirituality can and should be thought of