The topic of kindness is not one that usually elicits intense theological debates amongst Christians, and it should not, for being kind is generally seen as a good thing. However, just because a concept is seemingly straightforward and easy to adopt, doesn't necessarily mean that its reality in the lives of genuine believers is trouble-free. The contention of this article is that the inconsistencies we sometimes witness between proclaimed Christian belief and demonstrated human behavior can in part be explained by an often-overlooked paradox, which is the fact that Christians can at times be bad at being kind.
The Nature and Importance of Kindness
As a purely descriptive term and apart from any theological underpinning, the word 'kindness' means acts or shows of warmth, generosity, and concern for others. To be kind is the natural outpouring of a benevolent, empathetic, and compassionate disposition. Such a virtue is universally deemed praiseworthy. While the world's wisdom literature may discuss kindness to a small extent, the Bible develops it into a significant theme. Jesus taught His followers to "love one another" (John 13:34). The Apostle Paul exhorts us "to put on kindness as God's chosen ones" (Colossians 3:12).
Thus, from a biblical vantage point, kindness is not just a superficial element of etiquette, but an intrinsic quality of those who belong to Jesus. In this respect, Christians are called to excel in their expression of kindness (Ephesians 4:32), and this eagerness for benevolence is supposed to distinguish them from the rest of humanity (1 Peter 2:12).
In an ideal world, God's children should exhibit the highest possible levels of kindness in their social lives. The evidence, however, shows that this is far from always being the case. In the words of one evangelical commentator, "Christianity has always had a 'kindness problem.' We tend to be unkind when we shouldn't, and we don't tend to be kind when we should."
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The Paradox: Why Christians Can Be Bad at Being Kind
It must be clarified from the outset that any discussion on the failings of Christians should not be misconstrued as a blanket indictment. There are multitudes of truly kind hearted believers who follow Jesus with humility and grace, and it is important to remember that the fallen nature of all humanity means that on one is utterly immune to the same tendencies in various aspects of their lives.
Yet, while acknowledging these caveats, it's worth engaging with the contention that Christians can be surprisingly subpar when it comes to demonstrating kindness. In attempting to explore the origins of such a paradox, we should consider two main factors: cognitive dissonance and sanctification.
1) Cognitive dissonance: Cognitive dissonance refers to the mental discomfort experienced when an individual holds two contradictory beliefs, values, or attitudes simultaneously. As Christian doctrine clearly sets the standard for kindness, and as many professing believers also believe in their heart of hearts that they should be kind people, the onset of guilt and unease can result whenever the enacted practice is out of step with the professed ideals. It's a powerful motivator for self-justification, and self-righteousness, which only exacerbates the paradox.
The starkest cases of Christians failing to 'walk the walk' are generally less down to actual malice, and more to do with the psychological burden of not living up to their own expectations. The self-deception can become so acute that even though they fail in their own eyes to meet the high demands of the gospel, some can convince themselves that their level of kindness is adequate, simply because their doctrine demands it of them, and thus, must deem it as a given.
2) Sanctification: To use the technical terminology of Christian theology, the process of becoming more Christlike is known as sanctification. For followers of Jesus, the goal is to become 'conformed to the image of His Son' (Romans 8:29). Yet, the process of sanctification is a long, messy journey for all believers, and it may well be the case that certain areas of personal change and growth occur more quickly than others.
As kindness is a direct outworking of one's inward, spiritual condition, there may be occasions in the lives of many Christians when a clear disjunction develops between the internal experience of growing faith and the external evidence of benevolent behavior. While the heart may be on fire with love for God and others, the external manifestation of that fire is not yet apparent. In other words, the internal reality of devotion may advance more speedily than the noticeable outworking of that same devotion in acts of kindness.
Conclusion
The suggestion made in this article is not meant to be discouraging or to undermine the achievements of many believers in living out their faith in kindness. It is, however, an honest attempt to acknowledge an observable paradox, which arises as a result of the tension between the lofty biblical call to kindness and the human struggle of following through in word and deed. It should compel Christians to give additional weight to the role of continuous, introspective self-evaluation, and to highlight the importance of a personal environment of accountability, which assists the sanctification journey in the different areas of life. This does not produce a licence for condemnation, but the spur to walk more purposefully and humbly in the Way of Jesus.